


言えない。

by oreranoneiro (jiyuunoriyuu)



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, SixTONES (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:48:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24664885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiyuunoriyuu/pseuds/oreranoneiro
Summary: Jesse is a show Hokuto doesn't mind watching all his life.
Relationships: Jesse Lewis/Matsumura Hokuto, Kouchi Yugo/Jesse Lewis
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	言えない。

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday Jesse!
> 
> Commissioned by @seraist on Twitter. The prompt is Pretender by Official HIGE DANdism, so I recommend listening to it while reading this~

"As long as there is Jesse, I love SixTONES. In the worst case that Jesse isn't here anymore then I will quit too." ーMatsumura Hokuto, TVfan April 2020.

  
  
  
  


There is a distance between them.

Honestly, there is a distance between him and all the others. Hokuto isn't well known for being a social butterfly. He's the small, awkward soft boy who suddenly got left behind by all his big brothers. A sulking kid who was suddenly casted in a drama with a friend and four strangers.

So he tries to close the gap. Shintaro is easy. Shintaro put no barrier around him, never judge him for his awkwardness. Juri is close. They've hung around together before, and they got too many similarities to ignore. Taiga is simple. He looks at the other as a senior, following him with bright eyes and wagging tail like a puppy.

He doesn't understand Jesse.

Jesse isn't like the others. He's closer to Kochi, and Hokuto knows Kochi for long enough to realize Kochi won't share Jesse. Not with him or anyone else. Kochi doesn't forbid him to befriend Jesse, so it might be unconsciously, but the air of possessiveness is thick enough to be seen. Jesse is Kochi's best friend, Kochi's new anchor after they lost B.I.Shadow. Jesse to Kochi is like Taiga to Hokuto. 

So he let go, only coming closer when he feels that Kochi allows him. Because Kochi is a friend he never wants to lose.

***

Hokuto doesn't know what happened.

One second he was standing beside Shintaro, being happy yet wary for having a new unit, even though it's a nameless and temporary one. He blinked and suddenly there is only him and Jesse on the stage, singing KinKi Kids duets one after another. Doing the black prince and white prince concepts, performing on every Shounen Club show. Just like how it was back with B.I.Shadow, except he's one of the frontmen now.

He wonders if Fuma felt as lonely as he does now.

They naturally became closer. It's easy since most of the time they have nothing but each other, and Hokuto open up a bit to Jesse. About his dreams, what he wants to be and what he wants to do. Jesse listens to him, encouraged him, convinced him to work for it. Jesse cares. So he listens to Jesse talk about the group he wants, about their group that's now no more. He humors Jesse's delusional thoughts, even if he doesn't think they will get the team back. It's not that bad, being Jesse's one and only partner.

Along with it he and Taiga drifted apart, and Hokuto just shrugged away the pain. Being close friends is hard when they're competing for popularity. Group lineup changes, and so does the circle of friends.

He tries not to think about how even when he's the one who spends all his time with Jesse, the younger boy still considers Kochi his closest person.

***

"I want to work with the six of us."

Jesse could ask Hokuto to bring the world to his feet and Hokuto will agree in a second.

***

"Hello, Hokuto?"

"Happy birthday," the clock hasn't struck ten when he dialed Jesse's number, but Hokuto will be sleeping already when Jesse turns 24. So he decides to congratulate him first before going to bed. "Am I the first one?"

"Yup, congrats on celebrating it 2 hours early." Jesse's laugh is a lovely one, quieter than his youtube laugh, one that he kept for the privacy of his own room. A special one, because Jesse keeps this tone to his dear friends.

"Shut up. I will tell you just once, so listen properly," Hokuto wants to convey his feeling properly, and he knew there's no way he will be able to say it in person. "You always work so hard, both for yourself and for the group. I won't thank you for that, it's something we all do, after all. But you believe in SixTONES more than anyone else, and we won't reach this point if you're not here.

"So instead of 'thank you', I want to say 'let's work hard together'. I will follow you wherever you go. Jess, from now on, please take care of me." Hokuto hangs up before Jesse say anything, too embarrassed to wait for any response.

It's better to leave it that way.

He knows his limit. Saying anything more will be painful, and he's not a masochist. He knows his feeling is simply an empty wish, something that brings happiness to no one. So he just watches, because that's what he always did.

Hokuto watched as Jesse ran around gathering all of them, asking them to give this group another chance. He watched as Jesse struggled to find his position and build his character. He watched as Jesse work the hardest, so he can sing better than anyone else, so he can dance better than anyone else.

He has always been in love with idols. Hokuto took this route in life because of an idol, and he doesn't have any regret, no what-ifs. But he never saw an idol so brave and amazing. A ray of literal sunshine standing on the stage, so bright that he put all the lightings to shame.

Because Jesse is beautiful and fascinating. When Jesse breathes in a space, all eyes are naturally attracted to him. He is not someone Hokuto should dream to be with. If Hokuto is the big dipper then Jesse is the whole solar system. He is an insignificant part of Jesse's life, a constellation between millions of stars. 

So Hokuto is satisfied to stay as an audience, a mere mob character who lives behind the protagonist. He's not the other lead, not even the second lead. When he let Jesse take his hand and pull him into this group, he lost his place by Jesse's side, even if only on stage. 

He doesn't regret it.

Maybe in another life, Hokuto will ask for more. One where they are not unit mates, where Hokuto could easily tell Jesse his feelings carelessly and doesn't hurt anyone by doing it.

A life where Jesse is not in love with Kochi.

But in this one, just being with Jesse everyday is enough for Hokuto.  
  


> To: Jesse
> 
> Let's go eat something with Juri tomorrow! And if you tell anyone what I said before, I'll block your number.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated ♡ Find me on twitter @oreranoneiro, I'm available 24/7 to talk about Hokuto ships.


End file.
